It was my mom and me on a hot day in Baghdad (where we lived at the time). I was miserable as I was being dragged on another boring errand to the market.
I wanted to be playing. I wanted to be running around and having fun.
But instead, I was stuck there watching as she mulled over prices at the stalls, looking carefully at the grocery items. I’m impatient and antsy and she senses it. As usual, she admonishes me to stay close to her (I made adults nervous with my tendency to bolt when they weren’t looking)
In an intuition program as a client is transforming what’s been holding them back, it’s not uncommon for me to show up to one of our sessions hearing their urgent concern that their ego is now getting big.
“I need help healing this ego-trip that I’m on”
And then they share more about the experiences they are having.
As I listen it is clear to me that they are actually feeling confident in a new way. They are falling in love with themselves.
This is not just on a “I believe in myself” mental level.
It is a very real contact with the being.
She is loved by the innocent for the safety, clarity, and compassion they feel in her presence.
She is feared by deceivers and spirit-violators and black-magic makers.
She sees through deception and detects harm coming - even from long distances - even when hidden behind thick veils.
Pettiness, mindless complaining, competitiveness, jealousies, trivialities, and gossip - are not given any room in her energy field.
Her silence can speak volumes.
Her eyes sparkle with joy, intensity, and fire for life.
Being vulnerable - it's not only about sharing a problem, challenge, or pain from inside yourself.
It is that but it's also expressing the love, the happy, and the appreciation you feel too.
It requires a letting go of "importance" or "specialness" and all the 'what ifness' swirling around you.
The true importance and specialness is in what is flowing through you at this moment.
And if you listen closely to it, it will tell you the way it wants to be expressed.
Feelings of anger and frustration came up for me this week. Yet also heaviness and resistance at the thought of facing and exploring these feelings. The anger and frustration was triggered by recent world and U.S. events.
Ugh, it’s too much, I just wanted to numb it all and go to sleep.
But I knew I needed to work with these feelings.
I started expressing it and the feelings of anger and frustration grew stronger and just kept coming, over and over. It felt endless as I traveled through this anger. I kept saying “I hate this situation!” and “I hate being here!”. Resistance and tiredness still in my body as I traveled back through many lifetimes. I felt acute frustration with this f***ing broken-record of experience on this planet: The same manipulation, the same darkness, the same hypnosis that uses fear to control people.
My father had a brief stay in the hospital once (it turned out to be nothing serious).
Several of us were visiting and had gathered around him as he rested in his hospital bed. He and my young nephew were hungry so someone brought some burgers and fries.
While eating my father offered my little nephew one of his fries. My nephew instinctively and gleefully took it and gobbled it up.
On the periphery we each have our stories, diverse experiences, and unique way of being in the world.
At our core, in our center, is something beyond our personal identity.
This is the only place where I’ve glimpsed true equality and unity.
This place is also sometimes called the zero-point. Where nothing is happening and yet all is possible.
Creating a better world that allows our human potential to thrive has to involve making the world kinder for children.
In order to make the world a kinder place for children we must first become aware of what harms them.
In order to become aware of what harms them, we must first become aware of how we adults have been manipulated and harmed.
One of the biggest problems globally is the epidemic of child abuse. More specifically massive pedophilia and sex trafficking kept in place by those in the highest positions of power. Politics and Religious organizations are two major things keeping this in place.
I sense the light on this planet is growing and that as the light grows, it exposes the darkness. I have observed how this happens within us personally and also how it plays out on the world stage.
Many are saying no to any conspiracies, they don't want to hear it. And it's your right to choose what information and views you want to be open to. This can be needed even in order to help yourself adjust to the changes you may already be going through.
But I've often heard the phrase "conspiracy theorist" in a derogatory way. It can even have a lot of animosity and aggression in how it's used. People can conveniently dismiss a perspective or someone as "crazy" so as not to acknowledge discomfort or have to self-reflect.
Recently I was struggling with my mind and was experiencing exhaustion. I could barely focus on anything longer than a few minutes and the exhaustion felt deep and existential.
My thoughts were around how it's all so meaningless. I'm too tired to care. What's the point? It's all so meaningless. So much suffering (mine and others). So many lifetimes of seeking, of trying and what has it done? Nothing. I have nothing to show for any of it.
In my personal experience in how my self-awareness has grown in the 45 years I've been alive, and in my observation of people: I've realized something.
Most people who are afraid don't know they are afraid.
This was about 5 or so years ago, one morning during meditation I got a clear urging from within to focus on being centered.
So I stayed very focused on that peaceful unmoving center within me as I got ready for work.
I had an experience.
It happened while bartending. Over 12 years ago.
The bar I worked in had a cigarette machine in the back. The bartenders were told to keep an eye out for under-18 teens sneaking in to get cigarettes.
One night three young-looking guys walked in and headed toward the cigarettes. I stopped them to check their I.D.s.
My perspective on what it means to Be Conscious.
It is not in the way I talk or words I use. It's not the way I look, act, or dress. It is not a technique I use or approach to life I prefer. It is not the teacher I love working with. Nor is it about some kind of gift, talent, or ability. It is not in being kind nor is it in any particular trait in me.
It's not a list of good deeds I can show off.
It's not in the money or any outer success I can attain.
It's not in environmentally aware habits, living clean, or simple. It's not in not having money, success or possessions either.
“This Should Be Easy” <- Ever have this judgment toward yourself?
I have this habit - When anything breaks or something needs to be maintained: on my car, on my computer, or in my home. I immediately go into mental complaining and resistance. If possible I will find a way to avoid dealing with it.
Even the smallest things. The other day I got home and a light bulb in my kitchen went out. My mind immediately said what it typically says “Oh man, such a pain. Nah, I’ll change the light bulb later. I can live with less light in here”.
Light and positivity are not the same thing to me. If I relegated light to being positive my actual inner light would be restricted and stunted.
Light in the way I'm meaning it here is Consciousness.
Think of a flash light in a dark room. It reveals what has been hidden.
I allow both my “positive” and “negative”. I put those in quotes because truly to me, whatever reveals the truth, is ultimately positive. It is a YES to life itself.
Self-Empowerment is super messy. For a while.
If someone’s been living in a largely dis-empowered state for quite a while and their inner power is waking up - there is an adjustment phase. There will be mistakes and finer areas of learning and growth. Just like with anything new that we do or step into.
I've been called weird almost all my life.
Such a sore spot in me anytime someone would say this to me. Ouch.
Dating is totally different for me since doing inner work. It has gone from painful drama to Adventure.
Several years ago I met a man online. At first it was just a few friendly messages. The conversations quickly became more frequent and we seemed to have a lot in common. I found him easy to talk to. We started chatting on video too (we live in different states).
In our conversations I would have these moments thinking “wow, he says all the right things!”. I felt such a strong connection and trust with him. And this is all happening in the space of 3 weeks or so. I felt like I could really be myself and not worry about anything.
“Negative emotions are toxic to your physical health”
I hear this often. This is one of those statements I found needs expanding on, by itself it can be misunderstood.
Yes it’s true that our mental and emotional state affect our physical health and can contribute to illness. It’s good to be aware of how everything is connected. Yet the idea that our emotions are toxic can, ironically, contribute to the very toxicity we want to avoid.
A couple of years ago (actually I don’t know when exactly, I’m just guessing) I noticed this growing anxiety whenever a cop car was behind me or near me while driving. This got to the point of being pretty uncomfortable.
So I found a way to calm myself.
I would first check a few things: driving the speed limit...check! got my seat belt on...check! staying in my own lane...check! I would make sure I wasn’t driving like a drunk person (which is funny because I rarely drink alcohol these days). I then would tell myself that they just happened to be behind me and I haven’t done anything wrong, so there's no reason to be nervous.
I’ve been exploring what ‘life purpose’ really means.
When I was younger and not happy with my life, I wanted to find the work that would fulfill me. If I’m going to spend so much of my life in a job or career I want it to be joyful and fun.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do and had very little I felt passionate about. And all the questionnaires and books on choosing a career or finding my purpose didn’t help me.
So a while back I was driving and stopped at a light. I looked over across the intersection and became suddenly and deeply enthralled with this car this woman was driving.
I was really looking at it. Noticing all the rust, how the car is so many different colors of paint.. just for some strange reason amazed and really focused at the junkiness of her car.
And then all of a sudden I snap out of it. And I start laughing, like wow what was that!?
Because I DRIVE A JUNKY CAR!
I’ve known you for so long, for long enough now. Long enough to realize that maybe you are not the enemy that I thought you were. I may have misunderstood you...completely misunderstood you.
I think I got you all wrong.
And I’m also tired. I’m tired of the war between us. I am no longer going to try - to try to fix you up and alter you, to try to make you bright and pretty.
Author: Leela Haris ~ Intuition
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