MEETING MY TEACHER - MEETING MYSELF
I was 36 the first time I consciously acted on my intuition and I was afraid of what it was asking me to do.
It was early 2011 when I discovered a book titled “In Search of the Miraculous: Healing into Consciousness”. It would be several years later until I would even begin to grasp most of the book's contents. There was one paragraph in it about healing the ego and the stages of letting go however that spoke to me and my circumstances. I looked up the author’s website and it announced an upcoming 10-day intensive and retreat.
When I saw the event something mysterious in me said to GO.
But I was afraid to go because it didn’t make sense to my mind to attend a spiritual retreat. I had "real" problems and I didn’t feel healthy or mentally strong enough for it to be of any help to me. I had already spent many years trying unsuccessfully to come off the psychiatric medications I depended on (prescribed to me for adhd, bipolar depression, clinical depression, and anxiety).
I assumed a meditation retreat was for people who didn't need to take a pill to function, can meditate, survive on salad, and be happy about nothing.
I wasn't that "kind of person". I felt so far from being that "kind of person".
But I went.
I went because of that mysterious feeling in me telling me to go.
When I saw the event something mysterious in me said to GO.
But I was afraid to go because it didn’t make sense to my mind to attend a spiritual retreat. I had "real" problems and I didn’t feel healthy or mentally strong enough for it to be of any help to me. I had already spent many years trying unsuccessfully to come off the psychiatric medications I depended on (prescribed to me for adhd, bipolar depression, clinical depression, and anxiety).
I assumed a meditation retreat was for people who didn't need to take a pill to function, can meditate, survive on salad, and be happy about nothing.
I wasn't that "kind of person". I felt so far from being that "kind of person".
But I went.
I went because of that mysterious feeling in me telling me to go.
2011 Vancouver Intensive
I flew from my home in the midwestern, United States and landed in Vancouver, British Columbia with such a torrent of doubts and biases. But the experience of those next 10 days with the author of the book and spiritual teacher, Mada Dalian, shocked me in a positive way. Those 10 days changed me more than the previous 15 years of searching combined. One change is that I stopped taking all psychiatric medication during that retreat and never took them again since.
I had up until then spent my life doubting and suppressing my inner world. The work done in those intensives involves specific active meditations and activities designed to release trapped emotions and self-sabotaging thoughts and to increase self-awareness. We were encouraged to freely express and explore ourselves! I was terrified of it, yet it was also liberating and healing!
My past searching consisted of reading many self-help books, trying special diets, healing approaches, attending therapy, and consulting with doctors and alternative practitioners. There was some progress from the things I had done and I see that I needed to experience those things. This experience with Mada however, it catapulted me beyond all of them.
Mada's approach was completely different and unexpected, sometimes exposing and intimidating to my ego, but profoundly affective.
Ending psychiatric medication was a big deal at the time but it was also just the beginning.
For the next few years, I encountered and healed traumas and many self-limiting beliefs and emotions that the medications had previously kept suppressed. As I worked closely with Mada I learned how to use the Dalian Method (DM). With the DM I finally had a way to truly understand myself! I started to uncover a natural joy, compassion, and courage within me. Life became increasingly joyful and meaningful.
I had up until then spent my life doubting and suppressing my inner world. The work done in those intensives involves specific active meditations and activities designed to release trapped emotions and self-sabotaging thoughts and to increase self-awareness. We were encouraged to freely express and explore ourselves! I was terrified of it, yet it was also liberating and healing!
My past searching consisted of reading many self-help books, trying special diets, healing approaches, attending therapy, and consulting with doctors and alternative practitioners. There was some progress from the things I had done and I see that I needed to experience those things. This experience with Mada however, it catapulted me beyond all of them.
Mada's approach was completely different and unexpected, sometimes exposing and intimidating to my ego, but profoundly affective.
Ending psychiatric medication was a big deal at the time but it was also just the beginning.
For the next few years, I encountered and healed traumas and many self-limiting beliefs and emotions that the medications had previously kept suppressed. As I worked closely with Mada I learned how to use the Dalian Method (DM). With the DM I finally had a way to truly understand myself! I started to uncover a natural joy, compassion, and courage within me. Life became increasingly joyful and meaningful.
Photo: 2015 Dalian Method Facilitator Training
After adjusting to life as a happier person I was compelled to keep going with the inner work as I sensed there was something deeper happening for me.
What was happening was that I was waking up a massive amount of previously dormant intuition and gifts, expanding my consciousness, and making it a way of life for myself. There continued to be so much more to discover about myself, others, and life. There were also deeper and more challenging layers of patterns to break through from childhood and previous lifetimes.
And then in time came an understanding that this was bigger than 'me'. I entered Mada's training program as a Dalian Method Facilitator and I started this website in 2015.
Then in 2023 I found myself in an oncology office being given an "expiration date" when it was discovered that I had advanced metastatic cancer. I can't fully express the gratitude of having a tool like the Dalian Method and a spiritual master like Mada as a guiding light which has enabled me to heal deep existential fears and limitation and to utilize cancer as a partner in my continued transformation.
Mada and Me 2015
