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It was my mom and me on a hot day in Baghdad (where we lived at the time). I was miserable as I was being dragged on another boring errand to the market.
I wanted to be playing. I wanted to be running around and having fun. But instead, I was stuck there watching as she mulled over prices at the stalls, looking carefully at the grocery items. I’m impatient and antsy and she senses it. As usual, she admonishes me to stay close to her (I made adults nervous with my tendency to bolt when they weren’t looking)
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In an intuition program as a client is transforming what’s been holding them back, it’s not uncommon for me to show up to one of our sessions hearing their urgent concern that their ego is now getting big.
“I need help healing this ego-trip that I’m on” And then they share more about the experiences they are having. As I listen it is clear to me that they are actually feeling confident in a new way. They are falling in love with themselves. This is not just on a “I believe in myself” mental level. It is a very real contact with the being. 
I was missing a man I had been experiencing a profound and exciting long-distance connection with. He resides way over on the other side of the Atlantic. In particular, I felt a painful aching to feel his physical body close and his arms around me firmly. I longed to feel our skin touch. This wasn’t the first time I struggled with this impossible to satisfy need. This time however I wondered if or how I could give what I longed for - to myself. I asked myself: Can I give to myself what I want from another? A curiosity arose about what could be possible 
I’ve always had this gift (curse?) of making something small and enlarging it, expanding on it, embellishing it. Stretching it for miles and miles.
I did this with situations that were painful for me. Creating all kinds of fear scenarios. All kinds of stories. Rolling them around in my fearful worried head. Hanging onto it for as long as I can. What used to seem like a bad habit, I’ve made it into a gift now. I’m now making mountains out of what feels good. Taking tiny beautiful moments and pulling whole universes out of them. 
It’s February, the month of Love. It's another excuse to turn up the heat on your Inner Flame. Drenching each cell in your body with ruby red, juicy, and luscious love.
Even when you are howling from that deep bottomless ache inside of you. Even when life feels impossibly hard and there is pain and fear. Are you willing to open to the possibility of embodied pleasure and love? Even if it just means letting yourself feel the coziness and softness of the bed covers you are hiding under. Or smelling your favorite oil or perfume and noticing how sensual and yummy it makes you feel. Letting that in. For even just a moment. |
Author: Leela Haris ~ Intuition
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