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I’ve discovered something. I measured the size of the heart and it is the same size as the universe.
It is that big! It can open that much! It can vibrate out to the edge of ALL that is. This has been an extraordinary discovery for me. And another discovery: I've often felt the heart to be warm and sweet - yet there is something else. The heart is wild. SO WILD.
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Not feeling good enough for someone. Who hasn't felt this way at some point?
Here is my understanding about this.- When we are carrying an insecurity about ourselves, we may experience others as not accepting us. This can result as patterns of conflict with others or of trying to please them. This is very common but keeps us trapped in a painful and draining situation. 
I had an experience.
It happened while bartending. Over 12 years ago. The bar I worked in had a cigarette machine in the back. The bartenders were told to keep an eye out for under-18 teens sneaking in to get cigarettes. One night three young-looking guys walked in and headed toward the cigarettes. I stopped them to check their I.D.s. 
I hated talking about my feelings. Ugh. Sharing my inner world. It was awful. This is how I felt up till my early thirties or so.
But I would have times of intense depression and desperation and the psychiatric medications I took weren’t enough to completely numb it. There was this idea I had that when you have an emotional or mental problem you “get help”. Like some kind of magical solution happens when you “get help”. 
Light and positivity are not the same thing to me. If I relegated light to being positive my actual inner light would be restricted and stunted.
Light in the way I'm meaning it here is Consciousness. Think of a flash light in a dark room. It reveals what has been hidden. I allow both my “positive” and “negative”. I put those in quotes because truly to me, whatever reveals the truth, is ultimately positive. It is a YES to life itself. 
Dating is totally different for me since doing inner work. It has gone from painful drama to Adventure. A story... Several years ago I met a man online. At first it was just a few friendly messages. The conversations quickly became more frequent and we seemed to have a lot in common. I found him easy to talk to. We started chatting on video too (we live in different states). In our conversations I would have these moments thinking “wow, he says all the right things!”. I felt such a strong connection and trust with him. And this is all happening in the space of 3 weeks or so. I felt like I could really be myself and not worry about anything. 
“Negative emotions are toxic to your physical health”
I hear this often. This is one of those statements I found needs expanding on, by itself it can be misunderstood. Yes it’s true that our mental and emotional state affect our physical health and can contribute to illness. It’s good to be aware of how everything is connected. Yet the idea that our emotions are toxic can, ironically, contribute to the very toxicity we want to avoid. 
Dear Darkness, I’ve known you for so long, for long enough now. Long enough to realize that maybe you are not the enemy that I thought you were. I may have misunderstood you...completely misunderstood you. I think I got you all wrong. And I’m also tired. I’m tired of the war between us. I am no longer going to try - to try to fix you up and alter you, to try to make you bright and pretty. |
Author: Leela Haris ~ Intuition
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