I’ve known you for so long, for long enough now. Long enough to realize that maybe you are not the enemy that I thought you were. I may have misunderstood you...completely misunderstood you.
I think I got you all wrong.
And I’m also tired. I’m tired of the war between us. I am no longer going to try - to try to fix you up and alter you, to try to make you bright and pretty.
I’m sorry for what I’ve done to try to change you into something you’re not.
Can we start over?
Look, I can’t say that I totally love you and embrace you with enthusiasm. Truth is it hurts to know you. To feel you. But I’m willing to listen now. I would like to see what gifts you are bringing.
I promise to stop slamming the door in your face when you show up.
And also, just as important, to notice when you are leaving and to let you go.
I am willing to hold you without gripping too tight.
I will stop comparing you to the light and pitting you against each other. I know that what you bring is just as valuable.
But first, I would like to lay down some ground rules for your visits to me:
You cannot make my major life decisions, nor can you solely shape my perspective towards myself and life.
You can no longer be my excuse for not taking responsibility; for forgetting that every choice, thought, and emotion is for me to own.
You can not show up only so I don’t have to.
I will not blame an outside force for your existence.
Equally you are not to be a reason for shame and withholding acceptance and compassion from myself.
And although it’s your nature to dim the light, you are not to, under any circumstances, extinguish my inner flame totally.
But here is what you CAN do:
You can provide Depth. Compassion. Sensitivity.
You may fuel my Inner Strength and my Courage.
You can show me how vital it is that I take charge of my own narrative and that in doing so, it has the effect of fighting for this life, this life that is in front of me and within me right now.
You can be the reason I dive into such depths in my self-work and take more risks.
You can inspire me to heal and parent my childness.
You may draw me inward and show me the importance of Silence.
You can show me when and how to rest.
You can teach me how to Trust and to show me the beauty of Surrender.
You can show me how to find the Stillpoint, the center of the tornado.
You may help me shed worn-out identities and stories.
You may reveal your unique underworld Mystery and beauty to me.
You can of course show me my blocks and my wounds. But you have to accept your limitations on how to work with them, sometimes that is the Light’s job.
Sometimes though - Maybe many times - Maybe all the time; It is the job of the Whole to put the pieces back where they belong.
And of course there is much more to you, gifts that I’ve yet to know.
I see now, that despite how it seems, you are not isolating me from myself and life. In fact I see how you've helped me to come so much closer to myself and to life.
Thank you darkness for all that you’ve done for me and continue to do for me.
Yes, you are dark, but you are not wrong.
This was inspired by and written in loving memory of Michael Julian Berz.
Leela Haris - Expanding Consciousness