I love seeing a Dalian Method client realize their own inherent worth and goodness. I enjoy teaching people, who are ready, the difference between positive beliefs and experiencing their truth from within.
People are usually shocked at how much beauty and intelligence and wisdom and love is inside them. It's there naturally. Without any contriving or contorting or improving themselves.
This realization happens from the courage they undertake to be completely honest about the feelings and thoughts they have been running from. This allows the pain and self-judgments that have been operating from their unconscious to be permanently released.
Over time the need for mental positive affirming and other strategies of denial naturally drop because we see the profound value in being who we are and what we are genuinely experiencing inside. No matter how seemingly imperfect we are, we no longer enjoy saying things we don't truly know or mean. We stop unconsciously escaping our reality. And when we are escaping we may prefer to tell ourselves the truth and accept ourselves anyways.
I've had people inform me about how "We all create our own reality" yet they adamantly resist compassionately looking at how they create their own pain and problems. Preferring to complain or blame something outside of them. Whatever "dreams" they do manifest will be ultimately unfulfilling or possibly even harmful, because it will be disconnected from self-awareness and self-responsibility.
Or they may be aware they are creating their own problems to an extent, but instead of really looking at how this is happening, they blame and beat themselves up for any negative experience. They tolerate abuse from others and experience depression.
It's common where we are saying one thing and our unconscious is expressing something completely different and we are not aware of this. Some people are aware of their pain but think that using feel-good phrases, grand spiritual beliefs, and positive thoughts will fix the problem. I have been there myself. But doing this just keeps the root of the problem in the dark by repressing it.
These are just examples, and the underlying issues vary widely between people. I've also heard these being expressed authentically as well (It's about the energy behind the words, rather than the words themselves).
If you recognize yourself in this and want to experience the Dalian Method: You can do your own sessions by purchasing the 'Healing the Body & Awakening Consciousness with the Dalian Method' home study kit (comes with two audio guided sessions and a comprehensive book). You can also get a private guided session by a facilitator such as myself. The creator of the Dalian Method Mada Eliza Dalian also offers private sessions, online courses, tele-classes, and retreats.
NOTE: When we have been believing things such as "I'm Not Good Enough" or "I can't Trust Myself" for many years (or lifetimes), even when these are clearly seen as false and are released through the Dalian Method, it may take time to stop trying to be a better person or do things to live up to an ideal of who we should be or prove our worth. We may experience deeper layers that need to be released. The mind also has to learn to accept something so completely earth shattering to everything we thought we knew about ourselves. To everything we were told about ourselves. To everything that the people around us believe and think.
Dating is totally different for me since doing inner work. It has gone from painful drama to Adventure!
A story to illustrate this.
Several years ago I met a man online. At first it was just a few friendly messages. The conversations quickly became more frequent and we seemed to have a lot in common. I found him easy to talk to. We started chatting on video too (we live in different states).
In our conversations I would have these moments thinking “wow, he says all the right things!”. I felt such a strong connection and trust with him. And this is all happening in the space of 3 weeks or so. I felt like I could really be myself and not worry about anything.
I don’t remember most of the details of our conversations except this one thing he told me: “No matter what, I never stop being someone’s friend. I never cut someone out of my life.” This gave me such a feeling of safety.
So my mind was saying yes to this man. But my body was apparently saying something else entirely. I just wasn’t really listening to my body at first. During one video chat he looked at me curiously and asked me if I was cold. I looked down and I was wearing a sweater with two jackets over it (pretty hilarious actually, it was summer). We were talking about sex during that conversation and as we talked I kept getting up to grab more clothes to wear.
I wasn’t cold. I was uncomfortable.
But I dismissed my discomfort as my own woundedness because I was working through a lot of trauma during that time. I told myself “Keep an open mind. It’s good to discuss these things openly”.
I happened to have a retreat trip planned in California a few hours from where he lived coming up and I was considering adding extra days to my trip so I can visit him. But it was all happening really fast and I started to have mixed feelings. The mixed feelings were the conflict of what was coming from what my mind wanted and what my body & intuition were saying.
So I decided to dedicate some time to focus and go inward and go deeper into my intuition. When I let go of my mind and I did this I got very clear very fast: It didn’t feel right to visit him on my trip. Not only that, it didn’t feel right to even pursue a relationship with this man.
I decided to trust this and act on this. Even though I didn’t really know why, I mean he still seemed like a great guy to me.
I emailed him to let him know that I would like to just remain friends. I explained it so he would know I wasn’t angry or had a problem about anything. I also figured if it’s meant to be more than friendship then it can happen with time. I also understood that it might trigger some insecurity in him but that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal for such an emotionally mature man as him.
He replied and expressed shock at my sudden change of heart. But he said he understood and honored my decision.
Then the next day he blocked me from all social media and completely disconnected from me.
Now I was the one shocked. But just at first. I was also actually so glad to see how right my intuition was!
I realized most of the conversations coming from him were lies. He was telling me what I wanted to hear.
I wasn’t angry though. I saw why it worked on me. He made me feel special. He made me feel understood. He made me feel safe. He made me feel important and significant.
He gave me what I was starving for and unconsciously looking outside of myself for. He showed me where my insecurities were.
Experiences like this have helped me transform those starving parts of myself. Each experience, whether positive or negative, brings me a step closer to being whole within myself. I’m also much more self-aware. I can feel when a situation or person makes me feel “special” or “important”. If something feels good, great I enjoy it. But I’m much more alert to the difference of feeling good that is coming from my ego-mind (self-importance) and those of my body (it feels more organic and less like a story of my identity getting fed).
Am I completely done with insecurity, with any attachment to being special or important? No. But I am celebrating the distance I have traveled to this place of being on an adventure. Does the adventure mean no pain? No. But the pain, when it does happen, is VERY useful.
Before doing this inner work there was so much anxiety and pain in dating and relationships. I was at times living out a longing and fantasy and there was no genuine intimacy. It was total bullshit actually (sorry to any exes reading this).
Then I would feel betrayed if I felt the person wasn’t genuine. But I wasn’t even genuine with myself. There was no possibility in those situations for any sincere intimacy.
Our socialized ideas of romance are fantasies that come from our unfulfilled needs and longings. To stay in this is to ride the roller coaster ride of pain and heartbreak. It’s actually insane, if you really see if for what it is. So much drama, and we actually create the whole thing ourselves much of the time.
But coming out of this game has been liberating. Instead of feeling resentful and blame towards anyone I’m glad to have the experience because each person teaches me so much about myself.
Instead of shutting down my trust and becoming bitter or fearful from these learning experiences, I grow MORE trusting. MORE trusting of myself. MORE trusting of whatever life brings me. I don’t need to carry the hurt memories. I don’t need to guard against or worry about other people and their intentions.
I also don’t get too offended when someone lies to me. It’s not personal. It’s their own issue and not for me to figure out. My only responsibility is to see through my own delusions.
I don’t trust because people are trustworthy.
I trust because I am trustworthy.
I’m so glad to suddenly feel free in talking about past lives.
I wasn’t really that afraid to. I just didn’t want to seem ungrounded or foofy. I also know that if you haven’t experienced it yourself, how can you relate? Understandably. It may seem like I’m just belonging to an eastern religion or philosophy. Which I don’t. It’s a genuine experience for me. Not much different than working with and healing childhood memories or any other memory.
I didn’t understand either until the memories started coming. They came because I've healed so much pain from this life and from childhood, yet still have struggled with stubborn self-destructive patterns. I wanted to understand why. The memories were the answer to what still needed healing and resolve.
The reason I’m glad to begin speaking about my memories though is because so much of what I understand and want to share comes from my Soul’s history. So I felt limited in speaking to certain issues because how can I explain why I know?
The Christian mindset for example, I get it very deeply. I get how strong the desire is for an outer God figure, I get the comfort and relief of it.
Up till about a year ago when I felt sad and alone, I would secretly comfort myself by listening to christian music and crying.
AND I get the, often intense and debilitating and very real, fear and guilt about the belief there is a God up there judging me and I might be punished for eternity if I sin.
I also know feeling special that I get to go to heaven and feeling secretly superior to those that are going to hell while trying to ‘pray’ for them and do “good”. I get being a missionary for God’s work. I also get feeling betrayed and angry towards this God when I experienced agonizing suffering and he didn’t help or save me like was promised. I get the whole game. Because I played it. For lifetimes.
I also get the ‘God loves you’ and ‘You are Perfect in His Eyes’ as well, the positive Christianity and positive thinking that is attractive to us to counter the negativity and make us feel better. Because the self-judgements and fear are still running deep in the unconscious. I also get the angry atheist, that is reacting, for the same reason.
How can I explain that I understand? I wasn’t raised in it nor did I have much direct exposure in this life. See my dilemma here?
It’s not really about trying to expose or tell anyone how they should live. It’s not about judging anyone either for living out these things.
I’m just finding it harder and harder to hold back these things and not be myself.
I also feel that things are different on this planet right now. Despite the widespread hypnotism and unconsciousness, I’m pretty sure I won’t be killed or destroyed for sharing what I know and who I am.
Also. This time I’m not interested in being a Martyr. I think I learned that lesson.
#TheDalianMethod #HellYeahLetsDoThis #IRemember #ICanHelp
I'm so grateful that I live in a time and place where I can be in my 40's having chosen not to be married and not have children and have it be not much of a big deal.
I'm grateful for all the people all through history that have helped move humanity forward so that women can experience more freedom and less oppression in society. I'm safe in that I don't need to fear being stoned to death, burned, or hung for not living according to society's expectations.
From the bottom of my heart thank you!
With this gratitude that I have though, I don't feel I have to pay anyone back or live out someone else's vision. With this freedom I can live my own life the way I feel is right for me. I can find and live my own individual vision.
I have just spent 10 days on beautiful Salt Spring Island with my beloved teacher Mada and a group of sincere seekers. I got back to several private messages about a Women's Black Out movement. Wow, this really struck me! Especially since I'm feeling so opposite of that. I want to show up MORE. I feel more determined to keep seeing the ways that I'm holding myself back. The subtle lies and excuses I'm unconsciously telling myself that keep me from living fully right now.
The truth is that women's empowerment doesn't really exist. It's a game we play with ourselves. Any idea that we have that the world or other people need to change so that we can feel worthy and free and safe is a lie.
Yes society can progress and make life easier and better. Absolutely. But the only empowerment that is real is SELF-Empowerment.
No one can empower us. We cannot empower others either. This is actually energetic slavery.
(but we can support others coming into their own power by living our own and encouraging them to do the same)
My teacher Mada can't fix or save me. But because of her own awakening and having moved through her own journey to reach an advanced understanding of the ego and the unconscious, because of that she can be a loving guide and a fierce mirror for me. I know this in my depths.
Some people see what I'm doing and don't understand it. I know some think i'm involved with a cult or being brain washed or a follower. I have been afraid of those projections. But the truth is those projections come from their own brainwashed state. They are living out fear and ideologies and haven't experienced their own truth, so they can't recognize or understand mine.
I think I got off topic a bit. Because what I really want to say is that we can transform our pain. Our victimization. Our feelings and beliefs of not being good enough or equal. We can transform the history of oppression so that we don't have to keep living it out.
Feel and acknowledge the pain, let the victim speak. To heal. Don't mistake the victim as power though, she doesn't yet know power. It's when we journey through and come out of the illusion that we are victims that we start to know what power truly is.
Because if we don't we are in danger of becoming the oppressor. How heartbreaking is that?
We will never find outside of us what can only exist within. I know this, not as a concept or fluffy idea to believe in and just throw around to wash over the challenges, but as a reality in my being that I've seen and experienced personally.
#DalianMethod #SelfEmpowerment #Freedom #SelfLove #ThankYouMada #ThankYouToAllEnlightenedMasters #ThankYouFellowSeekers
“Negative emotions are toxic to your physical health”
This is one of those statements lacking real practical wisdom. I have not found this view, however popular, to be beneficial.
Yes it’s true that our mental and emotional state affect our physical health and can contribute to illness. It’s good to be aware of how everything is connected. Yet the idea that our emotions are toxic can, ironically, contribute to the very toxicity we want to avoid.
Here is why...
No emotion in itself is toxic. Even rage. What makes it toxic is repressing it. When we believe the mind that judges an emotion as “wrong” or "bad" or “toxic” we are repressing that emotion.
Anything repressed will cause problems
Judging all my anger as toxic = repression = more struggle and fighting with myself = suffering = staying unconscious of the messages life is sending me = toxic.
We will also end up taking it out on other people because it will find an outlet. It has to. It will either come out passive-aggressively or as an explosion because emotions are not meant to be forced away or pushed down. If we reach a reactive explosion point, we can feel shocked and guilty and try to control ourselves more. In an attempt to avoid the shame we might rationalize or blame someone or ourselves. This all keeps the unhealthy repressive cycle going until we have a deeper understanding.
I think stress is misunderstood too. Chronic stress needs to be addressed, but avoiding all stress to me would mean to avoid growth. For example we can certainly feel great pressure in the midst of transformation. If we are stepping into something new we will feel uncomfortable. If we only saw the pressure as toxic and felt we should always feel peaceful and calm, would that be helpful? It would be very limiting wouldn't it?
Accepting our "negative" emotions and finding healthy ways to express and explore them benefits us in so many ways.
Our emotions are wise messengers.
**Acceptance of our emotions doesn't mean we believe and act on them without awareness. Emotions themselves are not necessarily the wisdom, but allowing them and exploring them free of judgment brings us to wisdom.
So what is the difference between self-love and narcissism?
I see them as existing in different universes, that's how different they are.
Narcissism is superiority. Superiority is based on comparison, competition, and insecurity. It is looking outward for who we are. It is needing to prove something.
It is a temporary compensation for the painful feeling of smallness deep down.
Superiority is there only because somewhere inside there is inferiority. Two sides to the same coin.
We come out of this painful game when we change direction and start looking within to transform the root of what is making us feel small or needing to prove anything.
This is not a “fake it till you make it” kinda thing. Not at all. Do we need yet another facade to hide behind? No, I don’t think so.
The first step is to be honest with ourselves about how we really feel.
It’s tricky because we don’t actually need to be taught how to LOVE ourselves. How to TRUST ourselves. How GOOD we are. How POWERFUL we are. How BIG we are. How MAGICAL we are. (but role models and facilitators are a huge help).
We were born already knowing this.
We just have to UNLEARN what we were taught. We need to see through and undo all the lies. All that we took on during our time here on this planet.
A technique to transform the root of insecurities:
Dalian Method sessions by Lila
Do your own Dalian Method sessions
One day last year I had something come up. Deep Sadness. Lots of tears.
As I wondered what this was about, a thought came,
“The planet is sick and dying and needs our help”
I was surprised. I had no idea I believed this. It was an awful feeling. An awful thought. It brought such a heavy feeling of sadness and dread. I continued to feel all of it and then after a few minutes suddenly the sadness lifted and the tears stopped. I felt calm and still.
Then out of that stillness I felt HER. Our earth. I realized the truth.
That she is not sick and not dying.
Not. at. all.
I felt the true planet, what Earth really is.
That she chooses to allow us to be here, to learn, to evolve. Through all the light and all the dark.
I saw that our planet is not really a victim of us. Not helpless. Not even suffering. If she ever needs saving she knows how to save herself.
I realized that me thinking I needed to help her was like a flea trying to save an elephant. I laughed and I felt the planet laughing at me too, as if to say “See. I don’t need you to save me”
This realization lifted a big weight from me that I didn’t know I was carrying. A sense of peace and trust arose along with so much playfulness and joy.
I still wondered though "Where did that belief came from?".
The next day on my Facebook feed I see a video. I felt immediately compelled to watch it. It was a Native Elder saying that the earth is sick and dying and she needs our help. I didn't save the video, but I remember that his words were either exact or uncannily similar to the belief I had uncovered. That answered my question of where it came from. I have always felt a connection in my heart to the Native American traditions and wisdom.
I must have taken that on and it was circulating in my unconscious.
I hope this lightens you up and shows how important it is to question everything and open to your own direct experience. To touch that place beyond thoughts and emotions (by honoring and feeling them).
Don't even take on what I say. Explore and experience for yourself. Connect with the planet. Or maybe it's more important that you connect with yourself.
So now if I’m ever tired or overwhelmed, I can get barefoot and feel the ground under my feet.
All that energy
All that compassion
All that support.
flows through my body.
A couple of years ago (actually I don’t know when exactly, I’m just guessing) I noticed this growing anxiety whenever a cop car was behind me or near me while driving. This got to the point of being pretty uncomfortable.
So I found a way to calm myself.
I would first check a few things: driving the speed limit...check! got my seat belt on...check! staying in my own lane...check! I would make sure I wasn’t driving like a drunk person (which is funny because I rarely drink alcohol these days). I then would tell myself that they just happened to be behind me and I haven’t done anything wrong, so there's no reason to be nervous. Very logical and rational right? Yeah and it helped me feel calm and sane (in control). So it became my routine.
I did my routine one particular morning on the way to work when a cop car was right behind me. Okay, all good. When I left for my lunch break, it happened again. So yep I did the routine, no problem. But then on the same day on my way home from work, it happened again! What?!? Wait! Okay, hmmm. Life is trying to tell me something here.
This time I did something very different. I instinctively went directly into my body and just felt the sensations. No checklist. No self talk. No plan. No mental process at all. Just pure feeling. I ended up shaking in fear so much I had to stop so I could focus on driving. Wow, I couldn’t believe how strong the panic was!
At home I did a Dalian Method™ healing session on myself. When I followed this thread that began with fear of cops, all kinds of fears surfaced. Much of it related to many types of authority figures, not just the police. I was able to transform so much at the root source. Most of it was childhood memories and thoughts circulating in my unconscious.
Three childhood memories stand out right now from that healing session: In first grade I had an abusive teacher who hit me for not following her directions. Secondly I witnessed police being threatening to others (who to me were innocent and kind people) which scared me at such a young age. Lastly I was affected by hot-tempered adults I grew up around (as children we are so sensitive, we are like sponges for adults’ unresolved emotions).
As I cleared these issues I saw everything with a fresh perspective. I saw that my whole life, that even when I thought I wasn’t intimidated (I would have probably denied it had someone told me I was in fear) I still had a tendency to be submissive around any person I viewed as an authority. I saw how often I made myself small to avoid anger and confrontation. I saw how often I held back when I disagreed with people, I even suppressed mildly differing opinions.
Most importantly, after transforming all that fear and submissiveness, I saw that all this shrinking back was not necessary anymore. My inner child felt free, empowered, and strong. I began to truly see people, regardless of their status, job, or role, as my equal.
Last year (I’m guessing again) I got pulled over by a policeman for expired plates. When I interacted with the officer I felt completely at ease. No tension. No anxiety. I saw him for what he really was. Just another human being. I’m human. He’s human. That was suddenly SO obvious to me. I even calmly corrected him when he got my personal information wrong. He apologized for the mistake.
I never thought I would be so happy getting a ticket! Ha! But I was!
So if I would have just continued to use my routine (my rational mind) to calm myself down I would have missed an opportunity to free myself of a lifelong unconscious pattern.
And this is just the story that wanted to be told. But I have so many more stories of healing like this that began by something that at first seemed like an irrational or illogical reaction in me.
So it’s not always smart to stay rational is it? In fact rational, at times, can be another word for controlled.
Using our thoughts to make ourselves feel better may be understandable and even appropriate at times. But if we haven't yet seen the root of a recurring issue, we are actually just putting a temporary band-aid on the situation, a situation that when explored deeper, in our body and unconscious, can open us up to profound healing.
Do you experience unexplained "irrational" fears or emotions?
For information on a facilitated Dalian Method Session click here
Feel free to contact me with your questions or to schedule a no-pressure consultation chat here
It can be easy to get swept away and to disconnect from what really matters. I’ve found that it’s not so important to count the times of disconnect. Feeling bad about it, well it just feels bad. But we can focus on and feel good about coming back and reconnecting.
I treat the coming back as a triumph (because it is).
Each coming back builds courage, resilience, and teaches me self-compassion.
I’m sharing 6 personal practices that work for me, 3 here and 3 more in my next writing. These have endured for me in connecting to my being, my body, and grounding myself. I’m sharing these specifically because they only take a moment and can be done anywhere, even in the middle of the most hectic of days.
1. Breath awareness.
This is the most important one. It’s not new or fancy. It’s so simple that we can overlook it. I’m always checking in with how my breathing is.
I’ve gotten really quick to notice if I’m holding my breath or breathing shallow.
I take slow and deliberate deep breaths throughout my day. I watch the breath go down to the bottom of my belly. I watch the breath leave. Making this simple thing a habit I have noticed a change in my energy level (Suppression is draining).
I use this breath awareness with the rest of these tips and anything else i’m doing.
Not breathing fully is a way we numb ourselves. Holding our breath suppresses whatever is going on inside of us. Whatever discomfort is arising gets pushed down and stagnates our energy. When we breathe fully it allows our emotions and inner experience to be processed and lived. Then it doesn’t need to hang out so long.
2. I insert moments of silent presence in conversation.
While listening my intention is to be present and feel and sense. I notice when I’m thinking of what to say or mentally making conclusions or anything else happening within. No need to judge myself. Just notice. And if I do judge myself, I just notice that too.
Before responding to someone I give myself a moment of silence. I feel the words I’m saying. I explore how it feels in my body as I am speaking.
3. When feeling triggered or emotionally charged I silently ‘note it’ to myself.
I Keep the noting simple. It’s not about figuring anything out, it’s about accepting and allowing. Not denying, trying to change or pushing away what is happening in the moment.
When rooted in acceptance I can then feel my feelings. I also become alert and observe my inner state, emotions, and thoughts. My energy is freed up because I’m not fighting anything.
And from that place I can make a conscious choice, and take action if needed
There is this multi-faceted, ever-changing, colorful world within us, we just need to hold loving space for ourselves to know and appreciate it.
There are as many ways to deepen self-intimacy as there are people. Whatever you choose, I hope this encourages you to keep coming back.
It’s worth it.
Click here to read part 2 of this blog.
We can only go so far talking about our experience.
We can only go so far using symbols and archetypes and representations of our inner world.
At some point it becomes clear.
After turning over every stone there is to look under, it is time to enter your experience directly.
To turn deeply inward.
To come into your body.
Setting aside the ideas and assumptions. Including the “spiritual” ones.
Especially the “spiritual” ones.
To invite what is deeply real for you.
No longer denying or burying any part of you.
My healing sessions cannot improve who you are. Because you don’t need improving or fixing. That is part of the conditioning. Sometimes we think we are helping to resolve something but we are actually acting from the problem itself.
You are already beautiful.
The list goes on and on.
All the good stuff. It’s already in there.
It’s just buried under so much *stuff*.
And the *stuff* is hidden from your cognitive mind. We carry deeply embedded beliefs in our unconscious that are formed through life experiences, often in early childhood. Since these beliefs are repressed they try to get our attention through physical issues, emotional upheaval, traumatic life circumstances, and self-sabotaging patterns that persist despite treatments and therapies.
Sometimes there is just this persistent nagging feeling that something is missing.
You don’t have to struggle through your life. Look for the messages existence has for you. Find the treasure hidden in the mud. It’s there.
The more directly you work with your unconscious the less suffering and struggle you have to go through.
The Dalian Method (DM) takes you into what has been repressed and de-programs you from the conditionings that stand between you and your embodied knowing.
And the fixing and improving does happen as a surprising and spontaneous side effect.
It just won't come at the cost of your Joy.
It will come as a byproduct of it.
Leela Haris ~ Expanding Consciousness