“This Should Be Easy” <- Ever have this judgment toward yourself?
I have this habit - When anything breaks or something needs to be maintained: on my car, on my computer, or in my home. I immediately go into mental complaining and resistance. If possible I will find a way to avoid dealing with it.
Even the smallest things. The other day I got home and a light bulb in my kitchen went out. My mind immediately said what it typically says “Oh man, such a pain. Nah, I’ll change the light bulb later. I can live with less light in here”.
I saw the resistance and thoughts very clearly. Instead, I went down to my basement storage to get a new light bulb and changed it.
I find these daily life things a struggle and often the thought comes “This should be easy” which fuels more resistance to what is.
What I started to do is have a little “I’m so proud of me!” party when I deal with something I would normally put off.
So after I changed the light bulb…. instead of being a stern parent by telling myself that I did something I SHOULD do...I recognized that little victory and celebrated it. I gave myself a hug and said “Good job Leela!” and then did a little happy dance.
Imagine me in my kitchen dancing around singing and flailing my arms up “Yay I changed the light bulb!”
I already give myself credit for more obviously challenging things, but wanted to speak to the less-obvious & under-acknowledged challenges we face.
So here is what happens when I give myself credit:
I know what is easy for me and what is challenging for me. I can honor this instead of letting comparison, and the outer world’s ideas (including my own mind) dictate what 'should' be easy.
After reading this do you now realize what you need to give yourself credit for? Let me know in the comments. We can have a “I’m so proud of Me” party!
Or don’t share and do it alone if that feels most self-empowering for you!
***If you are unable to go beyond a particular place of struggle or self-judgment, then there is something causing it that you haven’t yet become aware of. Explore what that could be! You can also give yourself credit for something that feels already pretty light with not so much self-judgment (for example, my ‘should be easy’ judgments I refer to in this blog were not very intense for me to begin with.)
So a while back I was driving and stopped at a light. I looked over across the intersection and became suddenly and deeply enthralled with this car this woman was driving.
I was really looking at it. Noticing all the rust, how the car is so many different colors of paint.. just for some strange reason amazed and really focused at the junkiness of her car.
And then all of a sudden I snap out of it. And I start laughing, like wow what was that!?
Because I DRIVE A JUNKY CAR!
When I was staring at this lady's car, it was like the car that I drive didn't exist. It was all about HER car in that moment.
So I wondered... wait.. don't I know I drive a junky car? I mean I look at it all the time. I know it has all these dents in it. I knew it when I saved money by gluing my side view mirrors back on. (after I knocked them off pulling out of my driveway. Twice.)
But I had to admit to myself that I do feel some embarrassment about my car.
So the learning for me was that I needed to bring my car into the fold (the fold is what I call it when I'm accepting something as it is).
But not just my car and how it looks. But also the embarrassment too.
Because what did need to be seen and peeled away was the "I shouldn't feel embarrassed because that is a superficial thing to care about"
And I also learned something about how denial works. On a rational level we can know something exists. We can think about it. Even joke or talk about it. But still have denial.
What supports denial is the judgment of what is.
How we come out of denial is ownership.
Ownership comes from self-honesty and acceptance of what is.
I've been driving this car for over 10 years and just found out I have an opportunity to get another car next year. I think it may all be connected.
Actually I'm sure it is.
PS. The photo isn't of my car. I Just love the symbolism of the barbed wire protecting something that doesn't actually need protecting.
Whatever we may think is going on outside of us, the true primary challenge is actually our inner trickster.
There are infinite mental strategies this trickster uses to keep us distracted from our true nature and being.
Exposing our inner chatter to ourselves goes a long way.
Even better, we can express our thoughts out loud in a safe or private space
We can also say YES to rising to the challenge of the situation we are in instead of fighting with it.
I also find laughing about it helps me too!
Leela Haris - Expanding Consciousness