Bipolar & Finding Center

My personal experience with Bipolar “Disorder”.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar in my late twenties.

Later on through this inner healing process, I began to experience something – My Center.

I discovered that I had a place inside me, this center that stayed unchanged and unaffected throughout all my changing moods, energies, and states.

This changed everything for me because part of the pain of what they call Bipolar is that when I was up, I would lose myself in it. So then when I was down, I would lose myself in that too.

Having a center, I can ride the waves for what they are. What I mean by this is that I’ve realized that any wave I’m experiencing is not permanent. It’s naturally going to change. When I’m feeling good and excited and happy, I enjoy it very much.

But when I thought that this up state was an achievement and I gave it a lot of importance and thought it should be permanent - and forgot that there are lots of other experiences in life - well then when it changed to the down, I would feel so devastated. I felt I had lost something precious. (Now I realize I don't lose anything, I am gaining deeper access into myself and my center)

Being more centered I don’t do this near as much. But I haven’t stopped experiencing the differing waves. In fact, I like being able to feel it all more deeply now.

In the up wave, I feel motivated, energized, creative, and excited. I have visions. I see solutions. I work hard at things.

And I trust that.

In the down wave I feel slow, less energy, unenthusiastic, not overly motivated, and introspective. I’ve learned to appreciate this wave now as restful. A relaxing pause before the next wave of energy.

I trust this too.

Up & Down. Day & Night. I need both.

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When a wave throws me way off my center or is very painful, it is often time for a healing session, and in that healing, I get to discover more about myself - an opportunity for a breakthrough.
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I use common phrases the medical system uses so I can communicate something. But I stopped defining myself by its labels or explanations. And its proposed causes & solutions have not been real for me (brain chemistry was not the cause but a symptom & medications never provided the deep change I was truly looking for. I stopped taking them over a decade ago.)

This is not a statement on what is right for another or whether anyone else should take medication or not. This is just an honest account of my healing journey.
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