An Unsanitized Heart

I’ve discovered something. I measured the size of the heart and it is the same size as the universe.
 
It is that big! It can open that much! It can vibrate out to the edge of ALL that is.
 
This has been an extraordinary discovery for me.
 
And another discovery: I've often felt the heart to be warm and sweet - yet there is something else.
 
The heart is wild. SO WILD.
 
I am not speaking of the idea of the heart in our mind. I am speaking about that place in your chest. That very physical place that beats inside you. That pumps and cleanses life through you. You feel it don't you? You can put your hand there now as you read and feel these words. ❤️
 
It is wild because of how little it knows. How little it knows of how to behave. Of that it is not supposed to love big or hurt big. It doesn’t know of such a thing as "too far". Of how and who it should be allowed to love. It doesn't know about should and shouldn't. It doesn't know that you are different from me. It doesn't know we are not supposed to love each other. It does not know the labels we hide under or put on each other. It doesn't know that I'm "here" and you are over "there".
 
It doesn't have those ideas. The heart isn't smart in that way. Thank god for you foolish heart. Thank God because God IS a foolish heart.
 
But the heart does know.
 
The heart knows when it is time to open. The heart knows who to open to. When to laugh. When to cry. And when to softly close and wait. Wait for the warmth she needs. The warmth she deserves. She finds that she can keep herself warm.
 
The heart also breaks.
 
The grief. The pain. Loss. Attachments we want to grip onto but still get torn from us.
 
The hurt from the stab of a cruel word. The hurt of being turned away "Your love is not allowed here. Be serious. Be realistic."
 
The heart breaking open..
 
Breaking us open to life.
 
And then the sadness from the disconnect.
 
As I feel layers of armor melt from me. As I remove more clothes and coverings. As I feel more ecstatic, more raw, and naked, and in moments this pulsating at the edge of an unknown forest:  I see a world that might be moving the opposite way.
 
Questions come to me: Is this going to be permanent? This way of not getting physically close to another? Bodies hugging in public becoming rare? Is it going to be a thing now to minimize exposure of mouth and nose and obscuring the face? To not breathe in too much oxygen? Will these things become another “too risky”? Too dangerous? Or even dirty and wrong?
 
Are we to sanitize all of it? All the time?
 
Is this how it is now?
 
And something inside cries out - “please don't. Please world. Don't go that way!”
 
It hurts to see this and feel this.
 
Then things settle and this heart calmly says: Well okay world you will do what you do and I don't think it's in me to fight you, but I want you to know something - If you decide to go that way. I will not be going with you. I will find and discover another world.
 
I don't wanna sanitize this. The heart wants to stay wild.