So a while back I was driving and stopped at a light. I looked over across the intersection and became suddenly and deeply enthralled with this car this woman was driving.
I was really looking at it. Noticing all the rust, how the car is so many different colors of paint.. just for some strange reason amazed and really focused at the junkiness of her car.
And then all of a sudden I snap out of it. And I start laughing, like wow what was that!?
Because I DRIVE A JUNKY CAR!
When I was staring at this lady's car, it was like the car that I drive didn't exist. It was all about HER car in that moment.
So I wondered... wait.. don't I know I drive a junky car? I mean I look at it all the time. I know it has all these dents in it. I knew it when I saved money by gluing my side view mirrors back on. (after I knocked them off pulling out of my driveway. Twice.)
But I had to admit to myself that I do feel some embarrassment about my car.
So the learning for me was that I needed to bring my car into the fold (the fold is what I call it when I'm accepting something as it is).
But not just my car and how it looks. But also the embarrassment too.
Because what did need to be seen and peeled away was the "I shouldn't feel embarrassed because that is a superficial thing to care about"
And I also learned something about how denial works. On a rational level we can know something exists. We can think about it. Even joke or talk about it. But still have denial.
What supports denial is the judgment of what is.
How we come out of denial is ownership.
Ownership comes from self-honesty and acceptance of what is.
I've been driving this car for over 10 years and just found out I have an opportunity to get another car next year. I think it may all be connected.
Actually I'm sure it is.
PS. The photo isn't of my car. I Just love the symbolism of the barbed wire protecting something that doesn't actually need protecting.
Leela Haris ~ Expanding Consciousness